Defining the douche.

We all know at least one person (but probably more like 10+) who we put in the d-bag category. And for the most part, these are people we simply cannot stand or, in some cases, just enjoy observing the depths to which they will stoop. It's hilarious, in my opinion. I've been pondering this a lot over the last few days - about what it really means to be a complete douchebag. I've surveyed a few friends and have received some pretty amazing feedback, but one person in particular was just SPOT ON with this list of six completely douche-a-licious traits/ characteristics/ whatever you want to call them...here we go:

1. States opinion as if fact.

2. Corners people at social gatherings and verbally assaults them in the style of a used car salesman or insurance salesman.

3. Incorrectly criticizes other people's proper pronunciations of foreign words.

4. Speaks in a voice deeper than is natural or necessary.

5. Takes credit for others' successes and attributes his/her own failures to innocent parties.

6. Diminishes the successes of his/her rivals in order to make his/her own accomplishments seem superior by comparison.

Thanks, anonymous friend, for nailing this one. If you have anything to add to this list, please feel free to send us an email...photos are completely acceptable submissions as well. More to come...

D'Angledink: A Douchebag's Lament

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Popped Collar Hater's Douche of the Week

What comes to mind when you think "douchebag?" Some j-hole you work with, that dude at the coffee shop every day expounding upon pointless topics at full volume, the jerk who tails you on the highway just to pass you and then slow back down in his overpriced ride?

What happened to the men (and some women) of America that the rise of the douchebag is in full effect? Have I just not noticed them and skipped blindly through life oblivious to the douchebaggery around me? Maybe it's a regional thing, and douchebags are more prominent in some parts of the country than others?

Either way, I and my fellow authors will bring to you the best of the best. We are experts in the hunting of douchebags...

My first pick for douchebag of the week: Self-Important Retail worker

You know who you are, working at Target, Starbucks, Best Buy, or any other major retail operation. You're too cool for this school my friend, at least YOU think you are. You pass judgement on all who enter your check-out stall or barista stand. Do you really think you're better than me because I'm buying a Cosmo, Toilet Paper, and Listerine? Fuck off buddy.. I'm sorry that I annoy you because I'm forcing you to do the job you're hired for, and you can't stand idly anymore chit-chatting with your other check-out friends.

What's that? Back-talk and a snide comment because I asked for a non-fat no whip latte? Really? In this day and age, it should be a stranger occurrence that I order my drink as it comes without any changes.

You applied for this job, and yeah, it may suck. Here's the bright side, though.. YOU HAVE A JOB! It's not going to hurt you to smile, be courteous, and pretend to like your job. Go talk shit on your breaks - that's what they're there for.

The History of the Douchebag: A Profile

Butcher Samuel Smirkin would often make wild self proclamations and self righteous delusional boasts to anyone and everyone within earshot. Known by the townsfolk as simply “The Douchebag of Derbyshire”, Smirkin was often heard referring to himself as “The Duke of Duck”, “The Sheriff of Shank”, “The Colonel of Cock”, “The Rear Admiral”, “The Midas of Meat”, "The Baron of Brains", “His Highness of Hasenpfeffer”, “The Prophet of Prime Rib” and dozens of other Meat Monikers. Born in a brothel at the Leichester leper colony in 1848, Smirkin met his untimely death at the paws of an angry and irritable mountain goat (ironically named “To-Fu Tang”) whilst traveling through Thailand in the unusually cool (and cruel) summer of 1922.

Triple DDD! (Daily Dose of Douche)

Welcome to The Daily Douche...this blog was inspired by the endless douchebaggery (is that even a real word? If not, it is now!) my friends and I encounter daily. And believe me, we encounter A LOT of douchebags so there will be no shortage of content here.

Tata for now...off to begin documenting the d-bags...